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  • Bush joke

    Bush at School
    George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

    After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

    "Stanley," responds the little boy.

    "And what is your question, Stanley?"

    "I have 4 questions:
    First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when of all Americans don't have health insurance?"

    Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess

    When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, Question time. Who has a question?"

    Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

    "Johnnie" he responds.

    "And what is your question, Johnnie?"

    "Actually Sir, I have 6 questions:
    First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And Sixth, what happened to Stanley ?"

    Comment


    • Man is trying to get frisky with his wife, but she demurs, saying, "I've gotta see my gynecologist today, so I want to be 'fresh' down there."

      He pauses a moment; then says:

      "Are you seeing your dentist today?"
      I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
      I certainly do
      I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
      Feel free


      Alanis Morisette

      Comment


      • You have heard of these common computer errors, have you not?

        ID(ten)T Error= ID(l0)T....

        PEBCAK Error= Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
        I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
        I certainly do
        I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
        Feel free


        Alanis Morisette

        Comment


        • Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
          She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
          Her praying roused him from his slumber.
          He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

          "Becky, my darling" he whispered.
          "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
          He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have
          something that I must confess."


          "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "Everything's all right. Go to sleep."

          "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky.
          I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"



          "I know, Sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the poison work."
          I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
          I certainly do
          I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
          Feel free


          Alanis Morisette

          Comment


          • Good one, Chris.
            HOT

            Comment


            • Boobies and Willies

              A family is at dinner and the son asks his
              father, "How many kinds of boobs are there?"

              The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a
              woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a
              woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In
              her 30s to 40s , they are like pears, still nice
              but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like
              onions".

              "Onions?"

              "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

              This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the
              daughter said, "Mom, how
              many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

              The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well
              dear, a man goes
              through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy
              is like an oak tree,
              mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a
              birch, flexible but
              Reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas
              tree".

              "A Christmas tree?"

              "Yes --- dead from the root up and the balls are
              just for decoration."

              btw...there was a joke posted on the ole POL
              about women being like different countries
              as they aged.
              I posted it on another board where so many
              took offense I was banned.
              I love that joke.
              If anyone has it in original format,
              please post.

              Comment


              • I don't remember the joke Lada...from what site were you banned if you don't mind saying >I can't imaging such a thing over a joke, as there are so many jokes on all these sites that are so crude that I can't understand such a reaction, not that some jokes are just not appropriate to be repeated.

                Comment


                • well, actually, I don't recall the joke as being. crude.
                  At least, not by my standards, which are more 'granola' than yours.
                  It was actually a discussion group for Episcopalian women,
                  and the lead became incensed at the inference for women over 50:
                  Russia...vast, frigid, unguardeed borders.
                  So...i'm sure they are doing fine without me.
                  And, I still have you people to shock and rile.
                  Although i really do try not to.

                  Comment


                  • Toward A New Federal Bureaucracy



                    When HRS (His Royal Slickness) Pres. W. J. Clinton was trying to get his new health plan off the ground, the plan included draconian penalties for violations and an allowance for preventative care. Well that set my mind going, which is always dangerous, just ask my wife.

                    One of the cornerstones of preventative care is nutrition and one of the cornnerstones of nutrition is fiber in the diet and one of the signs of whether you're getting enough fiber is whether your stool floats. If it floats, you're getting enough fiber, if not, you're not getting enough fiber.

                    So I conjured up the possibility of a brand new federal bureaucracy called The Stool Health Inspection Team (you figure out the acronym). Each member of the Team would have a blue jacket and cap with yellow initials just like the FBI, DEA, ATF, etc. and one would be stationed in every public lavatory in the country. Before you would flush, a Team member would come into the stall to check your stool to see if it floated. If not, you'd be fined.

                    The possibilities should just put gleams in the eyes of the federal govenment.

                    Actually, I though the whole thing was a bunch of..., well, you get the point.

                    With the possibility of some kind of health plan under a Democrat, I thought this could be relevant once more.
                    Roderick T. Beaman,D.O.

                    Every government official should go to bed at night afraid that when he wakes in the morning that there will be an angry mob outside his house waiting to shoot or hang hm.

                    Comment


                    • Favorite Bumper Sticker

                      I saw this bumper sticker oince in Rhode Island and never again:

                      VD IS NOTHING TO CLAP ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                      Roderick T. Beaman,D.O.

                      Every government official should go to bed at night afraid that when he wakes in the morning that there will be an angry mob outside his house waiting to shoot or hang hm.

                      Comment


                      • Actual call center conversations!

                        Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
                        Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
                        Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
                        Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

                        Samsung Electronics
                        Caller:'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
                        Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
                        Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
                        Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

                        RAC Motoring Services
                        Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'
                        Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?'

                        Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
                        'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

                        Directory Enquiries
                        Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
                        Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
                        Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'

                        Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
                        Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
                        Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland . '

                        On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

                        Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
                        Customer: 'OK.'
                        Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
                        Customer: 'No.'
                        Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
                        Customer: 'No.'
                        Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
                        Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

                        Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
                        Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
                        HOT

                        Comment


                        • The Mighty Thor

                          The God Thor sets his eyes on this beauty that he decides he must have. He swoops down on her and carries her to his mountain lair and proceeds to ravage her. When he's finished, he gets up and starts pounding his chest and shouts, "I'm mighty Thor. I'm mighty Thor."

                          She looks up at him and says, "You're mighty thore? My legth and thighth are tho thore, I'm not going to be able to thit down and pithth for a week."
                          Roderick T. Beaman,D.O.

                          Every government official should go to bed at night afraid that when he wakes in the morning that there will be an angry mob outside his house waiting to shoot or hang hm.

                          Comment


                          • I have not laughed for a while, but this one at least got a grin out of me:

                            Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

                            Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

                            Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

                            About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

                            Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:

                            __________________________________________________ ________


                            Dear Mom,

                            I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,
                            I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact
                            remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
                            dinner.

                            Love,
                            Brian

                            __________________________________________________ ________


                            Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
                            that read:

                            __________________________________________________ __

                            Dear Son,

                            I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
                            that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
                            Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

                            Love,
                            Mom
                            HOT

                            Comment


                            • A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

                              "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniel's every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

                              "That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

                              "Thirty-four," she replied.
                              HOT

                              Comment

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